I miss you so much, Ivy. No one could replace you...I thought I found someone to take your place but I was wrong. You are irreplaceable. My trust had been betrayed again and again in my attempt to find a second you and yet I failed to get any closer to my target. I guess I should stop searching and just hold you close to my heart. That way, I won't be betrayed again. I have to learn to protect myself. I really miss those 9pm phone calls we used to have. I miss those handmade cards you used to make for me. I finally receive a handmade card on my birthday. It reminded me of you...and then I started to miss you again. I miss how I could call you whenever I need a shoulder to cry on. I miss crying in your embrace and you telling me that everything is going to be alright. I miss telling you my dreams and you telling me that it's not a stupid dream...I can achieve it if I believe it. I miss sharing my secrets with you and knowing that it will be kept with you and no one else would need to know. I simply miss having someone to trust. So many years have since gone by and I guess I'm still unable to move on. I couldn't let you go. I still remember looking down at you when you were lying peacefully in your coffin. Your pain has gone but that's the day my pain started. The pain of losing you....
I remembered the last dream I had of you where you shook off my hand and said with tears in your eyes 'Let me go, I need to leave now.' I'm sorry Ivy, I can't. I tried calling your number...someone else picked up the phone and it wasn't you. I was hoping with all my heart that it will be you. Wishful thinking huh? From now on, I will live my life better than before. I want you to be proud of me. I know this is what you want me to do but letting you go will take some time. Be patient with me k? I'm slow....
No comments:
Post a Comment